Emmett Skiles, MA

When talking to yourself, you are building your self-concept. As the sum total of the messages you give yourself about who you are and what you are worth, your self-concept designs your internal environment. A strong, worthy self-concept will create a strong, worthy body-mind. Your wellness depends upon your self-concept. Your self-concept is the sum total of the messages that you give yourself about who you are and what you are worth.

Sad and depressed people are sick more often. Two teachers work in the same classroom. One is continually negative. Failure is his home territory. The other is generally positive. She is grateful for every little success. The gloomy teacher contracts every illness that hits the class during the course of the year. His sick leave is used up in the first six months. The other teacher seems immune. She doesn’t miss a day. The crucial point here is that while both are working together on the same project, one continually reinforces the failings, the other capitalizes on the successes. It’s a question of attitude, based on the selectivity of perception. It’s a question of which messages one chooses to repeat: “I’m incompetent, frustrated, and not OK,” or “I’m likable, energetic, and capable.”

Many people have spent a lifetime turning gold into garbage–using what is called the Midas touch in reverse. Someone says, “I like what you’re wearing tonight.” Internally the other questions, “So you didn’t like what I wore last night? I suppose that means I’m not OK.” A supervisor remarks, “This is good work.” The “garbagecollector” remarks to herself, “So everything else I’ve done has been bad? I’m just an incompetent person.”

Continually replaying negative messages ingrains them deeply into our consciousness. The more they accumulate, and the stronger they take root, the more our self-concept is weakened.

These inner conversations are often referred to as the “internal dialogue.” This is you talking to yourself all day long. This is your judgement of yourself and others which goes on from morning till night, and even in your dreams. This is your endless creation of categories, boxes, in which to safely place everyone and everything. This is what tires you out. This is what furnishes the stage on which you will act out your personal drama. Changing the tone of it is a process of heightening your awareness. As you realize how frustrating and exhausting so much of this “talk” is, you resolve to let it go. When you can accept what it is doing to you, you decide to do something about it.

You can set aside a few short periods each day in which you simply listen to your inner dialogue. Make a list of the negative messages you frequently hear yourself making. Realize how they are affecting your view of yourself and your world. Make a list of counter arguments, and start plugging them in.

Building a more worthy self-concept might well begin with learning to accept compliments. These golden nuggets, or strokes, are being handed to all of us all the time. Even if the people in your immediate environment don’t seem to be giving them, nature itself is showering them continually–a fresh breeze, a purple/orange sunset, a spring rain. Simply opening your eyes, and cultivating gratitude as a way of being can show you many good things to talk to yourself about. Make Thanksgiving Day happen every day of the year.

–Article provided by Wellness Inventory commentaries and Healthworld Online.